


Sakaar Secrets

by thorkified



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst and Fluff, Awkward Conversations, Implied/Referenced Dubious Consent, Jealousy, Loki hides something, M/M, Referenced Loki/Grandmaster, Secrets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-12
Updated: 2018-05-12
Packaged: 2019-05-05 17:12:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14623344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thorkified/pseuds/thorkified
Summary: Thor is glad to have Loki back, but he can feel that his brother is hiding something from him about his time on Sakaar and he fears it's something that he will not like very much.





	Sakaar Secrets

There's something that keeps nagging on Thor when he thinks about his time on Sakaar. Or, more precisely, about  _ Loki’s _ time on Sakaar. Because no matter how much he tries to tell himself that he's making things up, it won't work. Yes, Loki still has his silver tongue, but somehow Thor doesn’t believe that it’s the reason he made it as far as he did. There's something else, something his brother isn't keen to admit, and it annoys him greatly. He's used to Loki keeping secrets and under normal circumstances doesn't mind, but this is different.

When Loki comes back to the room they share, Thor stands near the windows with a glass in his hand. He eyes his brother closely while he gets himself a drink too and sits down in one of the chairs by the table. Not for the first time Thor thinks his brother has changed a lot and he isn't able to pinpoint why.

“I'm surprised you seem to be rather comfortable here,” Thor says after a few minutes of silence, still looking out the window.

“Are you disappointed?” Loki asks and swirls the drink in his glass slowly while watching it. Thor can see that he sits rather closed, with his legs crossed, and seems bored. “I was under the assumption you wanted me here.”

“I never said I don't.” Thor turns around finally, leaning against the glass. “I simply thought you would prefer stay at Sakaar.”

“Are you trying to start an argument?” Loki asks, giving his brother an estimating glare. “I don't remember you giving me that kind of attitude when I came to your rescue in Asgard.”

Thor huffs and empties his glass. Loki is right, it sounds like he wants to start an argument, but he doesn't. He just wants answers and Loki is the only one who can give them to him. The problem is that he doesn't know how to ask.

“I'm not trying to start an argument, brother,” Thor says and puts the glass down before crossing his arms. “I'm just wondering if you really want to be here. You seemed to rather enjoy your life on Sakaar and the company you had.”

“What's that supposed to mean?” Loki asks, almost offended, and squints his eyes.

“I'm asking  _ you _ what it means,” Thor shrugs, eyes still locked with his brother’s.

“If you're trying to say something then go right ahead,” Loki huffs and empties his own glass. He almost slams it on the table before pushing himself up to face Thor on an even level.

“Still the same old temper,” Thor laughs, almost bitter, and shakes his head weakly. “Was that what got you the spot at the Grandmaster’s side? Or was it something else?”

For a moment it looks like Loki is blushing, but it's gone again immediately and he shoots Thor an angry glare.

“What are you implying?” he asks, snarling at his brother. “Tell me!”

“I'm just wondering how you went from outsider to insider so fast, that's all.” 

Thor shrugs. He knows he has to be careful now or Loki will get really angry and he doesn't want to start a fight with him. In an attempt to calm the waves he walks over to the small table and refills their glasses, handing Loki his because if he holds something he’ll most likely just throw it if he gets angry, instead of doing worse.

“I have my ways,” Loki says rather cold and sips from his drink. “Why do you care anyway? I'm here now, or not?”

“You are and I'm very glad about that, don't get me wrong,” Thor says soothingly, calm. “I just feel there is something you are not telling me, that's all.”

“So, you want me to justify my actions to you now? Why?” Loki asks, now truly at the edge of raising his voice. “Hela threw us out of the Bifröst, Thor! I thought you were dead! I tried to survive somehow, nothing else.”

“So did I,” Thor sighs. “Is this why you won his favor? Because you tried to survive?”

“I'm not letting you interrogate me, brother!” Loki barks and slams the glass back down without finishing it. “You did what you had to do and I did the same. That's all there is to it!”

“I expected you to say something like that.” Thor nods and empties his glass. It's of no use, he knows that. They are not who they were years ago anymore, it was a naive attempt to make Loki talk about something he wants to keep to himself. “I won't ask anymore, don't worry. I trust you, brother, and I don't want to destroy this trust or drive you away by asking about something you don't want to talk about.”

Thor tries to leave when Loki suddenly holds him back by grabbing his arm. Confused, Thor looks up and meets Loki’s eyes.

“I won't leave and I don't want to go back,” Loki says quietly, apologetic even. “Just forget those ideas of yours about what I did and didn't do, please. It's not something you want to hear.”

“Whatever it was that you did, it's over now, isn't it?”

“Of course it is,” Loki scoffs. “You don't have to worry about it.”

Thor nods, but he knows he will. Something happened and Loki wants to keep it a secret from him. It's not hard to count two and two together, but Thor hates the answer he comes up with. This is his brother after all, he doesn't want to think about him doing something like that.

That night, Thor doesn’t return to their room. He sits in the chair at the bridge of the ship, staring out into the darkness, thinking. Thinking about what Loki had done, why he had done it and how, but more than that why he doesn't want to tell him. Does he believe Thor would think differently of him if he knows? Or is it too embarrassing to admit, too inappropriate even?

“Thor?” Loki’s quiet voice rips him out of his thoughts and he turns his chair around so he can see him. His brother stands almost across the room, lingering against the wall completely casual and at the same time visibly nervous.

“What is it?” Thor asks, as friendly as possible.

“I wondered where you were, it's late.”

“Someone needs to watch over the ship,” Thor says as a matter of fact and turns back around. “I decided to do it myself tonight, I needed some time to think.”

“It's because of our conversation earlier, isn't it?” Loki asks, but Thor doesn't answer. It's obvious, they both know it.

For a while it's quiet and Thor thinks Loki is gone again, but then he suddenly steps up next to him. He doesn't speak, just looks outside like his brother.

“Sakaar is a lawless place, you said it yourself. You're either food or you're a fighter. You know what happens to the fighters and I didn't want to be food either.” Loki eventually says, without looking at his brother. Thor wonders if he will tell him the truth if he just stays silent and since he doesn't know how to reply, he does just that.

“I just did what I had to do in order to survive, you would've done the same.”

“I doubt we did the same things on Sakaar, Loki,” Thor remarks, still staring into space. His voice is cold and rough, without any affection. He hates how it makes him sound and tries to change it, but it's of no use.

There's a long, uncomfortable silence between them and it's painful. It's Loki's life, he has no right to demand answers and yet he does and can't stop himself. The accusing way his words sound in his head is disgusting and it's impossible that Loki could miss it.

“What do you want me to say, Thor?” Loki asks finally, turning his head. “That I sold my dignity for a good position? Is this what you wanted to hear?”

Thor’s stomach twists. He looks up at Loki, noticing the hurt expression on his face. He tries to say something, but the words won't form on his tongue. Right now he feels like the worst brother in existence for putting Loki through this.

“Did you enjoy it?” Thor eventually asks, regretting his words the second they come out.

“No, I didn't!” Loki hisses angrily. “You think you are so much better than me, don't you? But let me tell you something, you know nothing about what happened during those weeks I was alone on Sakaar and you can be damn glad about that,  _ brother _ !” With this, Loki storms off and leaves Thor behind speechless.

This is seriously the worst Thor ever felt after arguing with his brother and the blame is on him and him alone this time. He balls his hands to fists and slams them down on the armrests forcefully. Why didn't he just drop this topic and accepted Loki's wish to keep what happened to himself? Why did he have to be so damn stubborn and insensitive about it?

An hour later, Thor enters their room again, surprised to see the bed not empty. Loki is there, his back turned towards him and laying completely still. Thor can't tell if he's asleep or not, so he is as quiet as possible while getting out of his armour. He doesn't lay next to him, however. Instead, he sits down at the edge of the bed, hands between his legs, and sighs. The light is dimmed, but it still feels too bright, so eventually, he just turns it off and sits there in complete darkness.

“I know you're mad at me, Loki, and I'm sorry for pestering you about this.” Thor assumes Loki sleeps and can't hear him mumbling, but once again he's wrong. Loki shifts behind him and huffs without an answer.

“I mean it,” Thor sighs, wringing his hands. “You're right, you don't have to justify your actions and I have no right to demand that from you.”

“Damn right, you don't,” Loki mutters.

“If you ever want to talk about it, I will listen. But I won't ask anymore, I promise.” Thor doesn't expect an answer when he finally lays down, so he is surprised when Loki speaks again after a few minutes.

“I was alone, Thor.” His voice is quiet, almost soft, and Thor can't help but smile when he hears it. “I thought you died and I couldn't go back to Asgard, I had to survive. It was easier going up than staying down, even if I didn't like it.”

“With up you mean…”

“You know what I mean. I got picked up by one of the Trappers and cooed the Grandmaster into letting me stay. That’s what you expected, didn't you?”

Thor doesn't answer, but it's not necessary. His silence speaks for itself.

“It was almost laughably easy, at least I thought so. But he was wary and getting his trust was not as easy as I hoped it would be. I'm not proud of it, but it saved me from those filthy streets or fighting in the arena.”

“Loki…”

“I know what you think, but I don't care. I'm not like you, I never was. Call me what you want, it will most likely be true, but you have no place to judge me so you better not even think about it.”

“I will not call you anything, Loki, and I won't judge you either.” Thor sighs and turns to his side. He can't see his brother, but that he's there is enough. “This guy is dangerous and I worried about what he might have done to you, that's why I asked.”

“Done to me…” Loki is still for a moment before Thor hears a sarcastic and cold laugh. “You sound like I'm a fragile little maiden, brother. I can defend myself very well, thank you.”

“I never denied that.” Thor smiles at the way Loki talks to him again. More confident, almost a little arrogant. “But you know he's cruel and crazy, I doubt he likes hearing a ‘no’ from someone.”

“You're right, he doesn't like hearing that,” Loki huffs and shifts. Thor is sure he turned around to face him, but he doesn't want to turn on the light to find out. “Do you think he hurt me? Is that why you were worried?”

“That wasn’t my only concern, but yes.”

“I can assure you that he didn't. I'm stronger than you think, I can take quite a lot.”

There's nothing to say for a moment, even though Thor wants to say a lot of things in return. They all feel wrong, insulting or hurtful, so he stays silent and waits for others to come. The ones he finds instead are sad ones.

“I'm glad you didn't stay there, brother. Especially not with this man.”

“Me too,” Loki says quietly. “It's better here with you, next to you. I hate to say it, but I missed you back there.”

“You didn't look like you missed me very much when we met. You seemed to rather enjoy the company and attention.”

“Because I did, I enjoyed their company.” Loki sounds amused for a moment, but it's shallow, bitter even. “That doesn't mean it was like this all the time, but I enjoyed the few moments it was nice. At night though… at night it wasn't nice and that's when I missed you.”

“If I ask you what happened then, will you tell me?” Thor wants to know and at the same time he doesn't. He has a pretty clear idea of the things that happened and that Loki doesn't like thinking about them.

“Don't ask, you know it anyway,” Loki sighs and suddenly there's a gentle touch on Thor’s cheek. His lips curl into a smile as he returns the gesture in the darkness and they lay like this for a long time. "Try not to think about it, please. I do the same."  


“I wanted to punch him when he looked at you like that,” Thor admits after a while, earning a quiet chuckle.

“I half expected you to. You were so obviously jealous, brother.”

“You are one to talk about jealousy,” Thor chuckles too now. “Do you need a reminder of what happened when you were jealous of Jane?”

Loki’s fingers press against Thor’s skin tighter at his words. It's enough of an answer. Thor’s touch stays gentle however, fingers brushing over his brother's cheek. It takes a few moments, but eventually it calms Loki down again.

“So, what now?” Loki asks.

“What do you mean?”

“Are you satisfied with my answer?” Loki’s voice is cracking slightly, but he keeps speaking. “Do you want details? Do you want to know how and when and-”

“Enough, Loki,” Thor says and his brother stops abruptly. “It's enough. I'm sorry I asked, I mean it.”

He leans forward and presses a ghostly kiss on Loki’s forehead before resting his own against it, his hand gently laying on Loki's neck.

“I'm glad you're here, brother. Can you forgive this big oaf for ever doubting you?”

“Don't I always?” Loki smirks and covers Thor's hand with his own. “You’re  _ my _ oaf after all and I still love you, as stupid as it may be.”

“Then we can be stupid together, because I still love you too, Loki.”


End file.
